What a difference a year can make

Lessons in 12 months

Sometime in life especially heartbreaks,tragedy, failure or even death are the times you really see people for who they are. These events not only test your strength and ability to scramble through the darkness searching for the lights without doing further damage to yourself like stubbing your little toe of the end of the bloody bed.

They also test and measure your friendship groups too. More importantly you see people’s value to you and what they bring to your life.

Everyone who enters our lives creates value, even if at the time it’s hard to see or it feels like a drain, sometimes it takes them to leave your world that you can truly see that value. Just like if you bought a house in the boom and now it has negative equity. Another person can bring negativity but the value is still there.

Life is always giving us lessons but quite often we chose not to see them. I am very guilty of that. I guilty of making mistakes and not taking steps to consider the value/lesson.

You see it’s not hard to rustle up friends for a get together, a party, a piss up. However it’s a damn sight harder to draw on those same friends when life smacks you right between the eyes and your fucking dazed for months.

This last year has been really difficult to stomach. 12 months with several curve balls, full on thunder storms and that was just tears. A couple of sucker punches to the stomach- metaphorically speaking.

But in 12 months I’ve discover how amazing my friends are. Friends that other people just don’t have in their world.

I don’t have the enviable figure or the wardrobe of designer bags. I mean even my ‘jetting holidays’ are carefully considered bargains. I don’t live the Instagram lifestyle. I don’t care for it either.

What I do have is a set of friends most people should envy. You should envy them because they will leave a doctors appt when you drop a bombshell and need their company.

They are the friends that despite having their own dramas n mishaps will always answer your call.

They will hold you or in one friends case (slightly tap you on the shoulder awkwardly. But the intent is there) friends who will laugh, cry and plot with you or better still they dream for you. Dream when you can’t even imagine getting to the end of the day

The friend who will get glammed up,

Cross the river and go out without you even when they don’t want to.

Friends who will remember key moment in their lives even when they are feeling less than good. Who don’t need to put it in a calendar they just know. They are attune to you.

This year has shown those true friends. The ones who have been around forever and new friendship groups that have developed in more recent times.

Not the people who pretend to be there but ‘I’ve been busy hun’ excuses or need to compete with their unhappiness/trials/ problems.

I mean you measure people’s character if they keep bad company So measure mine by the most amazing friendships I have. Needless to say, I’m equally I’m suspicions of those who don’t have really Long lasting friendship or deep connections.

So after this year I now measure my worth and value in how my friends have treated me. I’m priceless like my friends.

This year I’ve learnt that having these amazing friends means I’m an okay person to be around.

I’ve had therapy in the last 12 months because there are only so many times life can shit on your from a great height without you becoming fearful you may just lose your shit. I’ve worked on me from the inside. It’s been tough and only 4 people really know what has really weighed heavy on my mind and heart. But I know I must attack the inside me… Because have you ever had a beach ball in the sea and tried to hold it under the water. You can do it for a while but at some point the ball will pop up in the air and you can’t catch it. That’s how it is if you suppress your feelings or trauma. It will bounce up and you won’t be able to control it.

I have also pushed myself with work and just signed up for more courses this year. So I can take my career further, because whilst this current role is draining- I know I’m good at what I do, I just need to find a way that will continue to feed my desire to do more in my life. To leave footprints that people remember, being part of someone story in a positive way without ending up utterly empty emotionally.

And finally, I have ticked off several things off my 5 year bucket list.

Go to the races ✔️

Spend new year in Scotland for Hogmanay.

Be connected more to my mental well-being. ✔️

Spend Xmas/thanksgiving in New York

Fall in love ✔️ (that’s for a new blog)

Write more ✔️(I do it all the tome but some are not for sharing)

Learn British sign language

Night out in a casino ✔️

Go to more concerts ✔️

Blue lagoon hot steam in Iceland

Go to a boxing match ✔️

Get more tattoos

Make pasta in Italy

I have four months left of this year and I am ready to make more connections, develop myself further and breath easy.

So don’t let tragedy happen to you to let you understand your value or the people around you.

And remember a whole heap of shit can happen in a year.

Don’t give up!

Reflect, Refresh and Recharge.

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